Rules are incredibly important for the development of children as they teach them how to cooperatively exist in their home and family, how to stay safe, and helps them learn to be a polite and responsible member of society. Children thrive under boundaries and routine, so they know what to expect and what is expected of them. Many parents and caregivers struggle with setting boundaries and establishing rules, spanning from either being so strict they become restrictive, to being so relaxed that chaos runs the household and they enter into permissive-indulgent-parent territory. Although finding the balance between freedom and discipline can be tricky, there is one rule we can follow that will simplify the process, keep us from power tripping, help us understand when a rule really is necessary, and, most importantly, effectively implement your household rules so your children will actually follow them.
You will be shocked to find how effective it can be to establish this one rule for yourself: Follow the same rules you set for your children. How can this be, you ask? How can I, the adult, be expected to follow the same rules as children? Well, at Childhood&Home we believe that although the adult is definitely in charge, it is less about hierarchy of power and more about partnership. We are all coexisting in one house, we all help take care of it, and we all hold equal worth within our family system. Therefore, we must all follow the rules of the house. If you impose a ‘no speaking during rest time’ rule, are you sure your child cannot hear you laughing on the phone in the other room? If you catch yourself saying, “We do not sit on the dining table. We sit in chairs.” are you making sure that you are not plopping down on their child-sized table to ask how their artwork is coming along? If you are, these seemingly mindless occurrences can make a big difference in the effectiveness of your rules. Why would your child not be able to sit on the table when you sit on their table everyday? Why do I need to make my bed if yours is not made? If you all follow the same rules, your child will be much more likely to see the value of it and comply much more easily.
We invite you to bring some awareness to what rules you have established for your children and if you are consistently following them or breaking them. Are your children able to tell you what rules or boundaries have been established in your household? Do they see value in said boundaries? Is there value? These are all questions to ask yourself while bringing awareness to your family routine. Our Childhood&Home staff frequently collaborate with the children we care for to create rules together, which is a very fun activity that not only brings you closer but increases accountability for everyone to remember and follow what you have decided together. You can make a poster and decorate it together, then bring your child back to it if they ‘forget’ to follow one of the house rules. Good luck, Childhood&Home families and happy rule setting!
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